Mirror Mirror
by CrazyTeddyBear
Summary: Have you ever wondered what exactly was going through Jake's head when he chose to run away to Canada?


**A/N: just another oneshot, this one happens to be on Jacob's thoughts before he ran away to Canada, and my take on why exactly he left. If you like it, please review. Reviews tend to make my day.**

**Mirror, Mirror**

**Jake POV**

I leaned back and inhaled the night air, the smells assaulting my powerful nose. I loved being in wolf form at night, it gave me time to think about things that I didn't really want to think about until I was separate from the real world. In this form I was untouchable, there were no problems that I had to fix, just the smell of water and grass in the night air and the sound of crickets chirping.

Tonight was my first night back in wolf form after the disgusting newborn bloodsucker had decided to snap me in half.

It was also my first night back after Bella had made her decision about which of us she would choose.

I had seen her choice coming, seen how she couldn't live without Edward, but I had come to hope that maybe- just maybe- she wouldn't be able to live without me either. I was an idiot, hurting her the way I did. And even though I hurt her that little bit, I still couldn't see why or how she could possibly make the stupid choice she did.

After all, she had seen many times the horror that their race could prevail. She had been hunted, judged, attacked, tortured, and abandoned by vampires- why on earth would she chose to be one of them? It just didn't work out. Was she insane?

I worked myself into a frenzy trying to figure that one out, sinking my claws into the earth and whimpering slightly.

Why?

As I destroyed the earth around me I was reminded that I was doing something that another heartbroken member of the pack did quite frequently. Often one of us would jump into wolf form and stumbled across Leah's mind as she was crying out in anguish about what Sam had done to her by choosing Emily. Until now I had never really understood what she was so upset about- now I knew.

Love hurts.

As much as I hated to admit it, Leah and I were mirror images. Exact opposites, yet exactly the same. Both of us had been turned down by the ones we loved for other people. I let out a bark of derisive laughter . Our entire world was made up of exact opposites trying to fill each other's places, even Bella and Emily themselves were two strangely identical people. Both had scars from the race they had chosen to love. They both had the uncanny ability to worry and fret over monsters that they were powerless to help, and to try and save the people who they had hurt; even when we wanted nothing of their help. The wolf girl and the vampire girl, two exact opposites that are exactly the same; mirror images.

The wolves and the vampires- we had prided each other on being exact opposites, but how wrong we were, how stupid- how blind. We were the same, exactly the same, and that made me hate the leeches even more. After all, if we were exactly the same, why did Bella choose the group she would have to die for?

Then again, I think I know- I just don't want to see the obvious truth, because it means I'll never get a chance with Bella.

I had always thought Bella and Edward's love was superficial, because it wasn't like that of imprint to imprint. Or what I had seen wasn't like imprint to imprint anyways.

But I was wrong, just like Leah I had been fighting fate. I should have seen by now that the mate to mate bond of a vampire was exactly the same as the imprinting bond of a werewolf, and that my attempt to force love on Bella was just as effective as bidding the tide to stop changing.

If the only way for Emily to be with Sam was to get changed into a vampire, she would have done it willingly, happily even. She was already blind to all his faults- even the ones that would be etched upon her face for all eternity.

I could still be friends with Bella though, a part of my mind was whispering traitorously, Bella could never hurt anything, she was too kind hearted. If I had been nice to her and accepted her choice then she'd happily still be friends with me, knowing that that would make me happy.

But I just couldn't. I was too in love with her to be willing to be anything other than her lover.

But maybe I could try, after all, she'd hurt me often enough to make herself feel whole; shouldn't I have a turn now? It's not like I would be trying to hurt her, I'd be trying to make her happy. It couldn't hurt... I just wanted to be friends with her, until she got turned into a leech anyways.

That thought stopped my racing thoughts dead in their tracks. _Until she got turned into a leech. _Now that Bella had chosen Edward there was no doubt about it, she would become one of them. Bella had explained the threat those Italian bloodsuckers posed, the lengths they would go to in order to protect 'the secret'. No, I could never be friends with Bella Swan again, in a few weeks she wouldn't be Bella Swan, she'd be Isabella Cullen. A bloodsucking leech.

The two halves of my mind argued back and forth with each other, whispering the pros and cons to sticking with Bella until her heart stopped beating.

It was definitely a bad idea to stay around Bella, I'd just end up hurting myself and her. But no matter how logical it seemed to leave, my emotions just kept getting in the way. I _wanted _to be around Bella so bad it hurt, but I just _couldn't!_

I howled and anguish and made a decision. I would have to leave, get away from the temptation of Bella Swan before it killed me, before she died with me still clinging on. There was no doubt about anything right now.

Bella Swan was about to die with me watching unless I left.

I have to leave.

I turned and ran north, heading towards Canada and away from Bella, the leeches and the pack- I just had to get away before I went insane. Their stupid quarrels, their stupid affairs- of course they just couldn't see who they were hurting to be with their loved ones.

Love is so blind.


End file.
